Chains

2008-2011

I`m standing in front of Madonna picture in a dark hall with drawn blinds, there is nobody around me and all I can hear is only the sound of hollow steps far away. Her beautiful white hands stretched out in a prayer for God attract me. Her fingers are incredibly long and without surface texture as if they were made of marble. They look like tender branches of a young tree intertwining at the spring wind. They are so pale that seem very tender to the touch and they are so perfect that I want to taste them. Thess fingers with ideally-shaped nails are destined for the gentlest slightly felt touches. All my personality turned into the longing for touching them, take them in my hand and pass them over my stomach. And I know that for this desire only I`ll be burning in hell. I`ll be given a lash and I`ll whip myself for sins, weakness and lust. I know it`s inevitably, this can start any moment and it`s very scary. I think about it every second but I can`t change anything, all my body till the bones is affected with sin as with mould. I all rot inside. I`ll suffer while being tied to the pillory and they`ll shoot sharpened poisonous arrows of my faults at my body, my own arrows. I`ll be in pain and I`ll try to stretch out my hands in a prayer as Madonna in the picture but I won`t be able to move a finger. I have not a single chance for salvation, I`m flying to the endless black hole.